Tharntype The Series, Chapter 13: Drowning in gossip

Tharntype The Series; เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ

Tharntype The Series, Chapter 13: Drowning in gossip

I used to think that, as much as it might cause a bloodbath, I thought it was best to keep quiet about it and that it would go away. But, uh…

“That man, the one who mocked the sisters!”

“Shitty!”

   I’m in an agitated state of mind:

   Are you talking about me again?

   Everywhere I go now, there’s a chattering of voices behind me. People even come right up to me and pick a fight. But all of this, I choose to deal with in silence, because I know that no matter what I say, or what I explain, it is useless. Every day the two seniors were rallying people and more and more people were joining them to criticize me. What can I do on my own?

   Whether it’s a slam on the website, or paint being thrown at my back, or eggs being thrown. I’m treated like an ancient prisoner and I can’t do anything about it.

“Where my friend is shitty, I’d say you keyboard warriors are the ones more deserving of pity.”

   Now that some of my friends have come forward and they’re on my side, it’s a great relief. It’s not that I’m afraid of being looked at with contempt, it’s that I have to put down my angry fists in the face of their constant provocative behavior, which has kept me from leaving my room lately.

   At first, both Techno and I thought that, after a few weeks of being inundated with gossip, this would be over. But apparently, things went beyond the two seniors’ expectations. Because after my picture was uploaded on the internet with a description worth of a vicious murderer in the newspaper next to it, many people started to know about it and started to pay attention to it.

And the result was

   – I’d say you’ve gone too far. Whether that student is telling the truth or not, you have no right to post his picture on the internet.

   – At first, I felt sorry for you guys but now it seems like what’s going on is that you guys are just going on and on and on and on and on.

   – Gay x x x x x gay fa*ggot fa*ggot fa*ggot fa*ggot fa*ggot fa*ggot   

   – And I know why everyone is judging the boy but I think we’re hearing one side of the story. I know that everyone is judging the boy for his reasons but I think we’re hearing one side of the story and not seeing the other side come out and say anything, don’t you think it’s just one of the sides that’s running the show?

   – Those bi*tches who called him names, you’re the only ones who dare to make a scene on the Internet, damn it!

   – You… I don’t know… he’s not accusing a homos-xxual or a rapist-murderer. Look at their faces. I don’t know who they are and I hate them too. I hate them too, fu*cking fa*ggots  

  

   Yes, there were those who were on my side, as were the two seniors and now there’s a different kind of debate and there are a lot of people getting involved, expressing their opinions. It’s spreading like wildfire and more and more people are saying things that are hard to accept.

   So, instead of thinking that I was a homophobe and a wrongdoer, there were now two views. People who were abnormally homophobic suddenly appeared, like voyeurs gathered in the dark. If anyone spoke openly about getting hate for gay bashing hey appeared in an instant, making the situation even more serious than before.

   What used to be a website to promote fresh gossip has now become a channel for blood drama and someone created a new one to fight back and now it’s… It’s spreading on the university forum.

   All this gossip, it’s gotten me from boredom to a headache.

“Dear Type, you have to go apologize to those two schoolgirls!”

Techno is trying to convince me but I’m giving him the same answer I gave him before.

“No, I haven’t done anything wrong and as you can see, if the two factions that are at odds with each other don’t give up fighting each other, no matter what I do it won’t end.” l marched into the bedroom, analyzed my thoughts to Techno. Then I took off my backpack and put it on the bed. Techno didn’t know what to do but he took a big breath to calm himself down. He didn’t expect it to come to such a serious situation.

“Type, if you ask me…”

“I told you I’m not going, so go home, I’ve got a headache, I want to rest.” Hardly had I heard my friend’s words, when I told him in a deep voice. It made Techno hesitate to continue advising me. But because of my obviously disgusted attitude he had to change the subject and ask.

“Do you want me to go get you some food?”

“No, I’m not hungry.”

If you’re not hungry at this point, it means… I can’t eat.

“Don’t think about it too much. It’ll be over soon. I’ll be going!” Techno took a deep breath and although he hesitated for a moment, he quietly walked out of the room and let me, who was pretending not to care, gently pound my head and slowly slid down on the floor, leaning my back against the bed, my knees curled up and burying my face between my knees with no strength.

“Being attacked like that by those two schoolgirls, it’s my fault for hating people like them, I guess I’m wrong as hell!”

   I asked myself with a trembling voice, closing my eyes tightly, suppressing the feeling that I wanted to run away from here, that it was awful. Now, all the people who called me names, they didn’t ask a single question, why I would say something like that.

   No one ever asked any of them, what they… what they’ve done to me.

   Worried… Worried like crazy!

   That’s what Tharn felt deep inside for his roommate but… He couldn’t do anything about it.

   ‘Leave me alone! ‘

   When he asked Type about what was going this was the answer he got from Type. This made Tharn angry but he couldn’t say anything, because now he felt that he was the one who knew Type’s feelings best.

   Type was prejudiced, he was narrow-minded, he was homophobic. But there was a reason for all of this and the last few times he’d been in pain had shown that that reason hurt him deeply, so much so that he felt Type deserved to hate homos-xxuals like him.

   All that effort to make Type feel at ease with him, all that effort to get to him, all that effort to get to him. All that was ruined, because of the hateful and scathing remarks that were made about Type.

Tharn took the food he bought, took the key and went into the dorm room.

“Type!”

The sun had completely set, the whole room was dark and when he reached out to turn on the light, he saw Type, shivering and crying… The man who had always been so proud was now sitting on the floor, his head on his knees.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Type was like a rag doll and the one sitting quietly looks up at him with a sneer… Not laughing at him.

“You’re standing over there, are you with the one who hates my guts or the one who shuts me out when I call them fa*ggots. Oh, you must hate me with a passion, because the person who calls me names is just as gay as you are.” Type laughed maniacally at the question but the laughter made Tharn’s heart ache.

“…”

Now Tharn didn’t know what to say and he didn’t think Type would talk to him about it.

“I’ve been a target in class today, even the teachers are picking on me, everywhere I go I get stares, I get yelled at in the cafeteria, that’s what I get for yelling at you.”  Type looked up and smiled at him, weakly holding himself up with his hands. Then he walked past him.

Swish!

But before he could walk past him, Tharn grabbed Type arm, Type turned staring at him with a look of displeasure at the tug.

Type looked down at his tug on his hand but instead of shaking him off in disgust, as usual, type smiled.

“I don’t know what I’m going to say to you with this mouth.” But Tharn didn’t care what Type said.

The next second Tharn says to him: “Can I help you with something?”

His question surprised Type on the inside, then he looked at him and laughed out loud.

“Make everyone in the world s-xxually normal, can you do that?”

Tharn just stood there, until I laughed and shook his hand off. But before I could get out of the dorm room, he said.

“I can’t, because even I can’t help myself from liking guys.” If I had been more careful, I could have seen Tharn’s eyes on me. But since I didn’t turn around to look and left the room quickly. Tharn could only clench his hands. He wanted to put his arms around Type, to hold him tightly.

Wanted to hug him tightly and tell him it was okay. But Tharn knows… He had no right to do that.

“Type, can you tell me, is there anything I can do to help you?”

Right now, he… Wanted to be there for him.

   “Tharn, I say you should move out, but you just had to be patient and live with someone like him.”

   Tharn couldn’t count the number of times he’d been asked that question since the beginning of the incident. It’s true, almost everyone in the college knew he was gay, so it’s not surprising that a lot of people were worried about him, wondering how he could live with a roommate who hated gay. A lot of people were even curious enough to ask him but he didn’t care.

   This time, the man told him so.

Tharn turned his head and asked his friend who was bobbing his head in confusion, “What kind of person is that.”

“You know what I mean, move out, or you’ll be involved in this, too. It’s well known that your roommate is in the middle of a scandal.” Tharn understood that his friend was worried about him but he was still angry about his friend’s comments about Type and he suppressed it, shaking his head no.

“Why would I want to move, there’s nothing wrong with me and Type.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d like to know. How did you get along with him all this time? He hated gay so much, didn’t he?” Tharn took a deep breath when he heard his friend say that but he was willing to face the problem head on and explain it to his friend in a soft voice.

“Just generally don’t get too close to him.”

“So does he know? Are you…” Lhong asked curiously, leaning closer to him. Tharn pushed his friend’s head away and stood up to cut him off.

“Mind my own business when you have time, have you finished your midterm reading?”

“Oh aah, don’t you dare mention it, let me immerse myself in paradise, books and textbooks to the wind!” Lhong started whining and moaning at the very mention of it. Tharn turned his head and put everything in his bag, then hung it over his shoulder.

“Hey, where are you going, aren’t you going to study today?”

At this question, Tharn turned and looked at his friend with half-sarcasm, half-gloating.

“I’m not you, I’m going back to my room to prepare for my exams.”

“Yes, yes, our dear Tharn is really a serious person who takes his studies seriously! Please go back to your studies… You’re so freaking annoying.” Tharn didn’t care at all about the laughter of his friends behind him, because the walk to the dormitory was quick. But before he went back to his dorm room, he didn’t forget to stop by to buy food and he was sure, he didn’t only buy food for himself but also   Squeak.

“Didn’t you go to class today either?”

The one lying on the bed, dressed in a school uniform as if isolated from the rest of the world, turned to Tharn.

“Stay out of my business.” I rudely cussed him, Tharn and said nothing except to go to the corner of the room and get two plates. Went to the table, sat down, then he opened the bag and put the food on the plates, then spoke in a low voice.

“Did you skip public school?”

“…”

“I know from Techno that you can have a roll call in the grouped class, you can skip but you’ve been skipping for a week, Type.” Tharn knew the roommate was skipping the group class with all the freshmen from all the colleges, because he went to a college that didn’t have civics with other colleges. Yes. So he doesn’t really know how public classes work. But anyway, Type missing a week’s worth of class is more or less a problem.

And it’s the midterm period.

“So freaking annoying!”

Tharn’s hand didn’t pause as he took the lunchbox out of the plastic bag, only turning his head to look at the man who was now lying on the bed with his back to him.

“I think you need to re-learn Thai, annoying and worrying about you are two different things.”

“Damned if you’re worried about me, I’m laughing my a*ss off on top of the sky!”

“Then go ahead and laugh.”

Gobble~

   As soon as Tharn said that, the person who was laughing at him just lay silent. Tharn knew Type wouldn’t be able to laugh. Who can laugh at something like that without a heart? I’m fine, I’m strong enough to fight back. Anyone else would’ve run home, or called the cops and made it worse.

   Type is strong but Tharn should be the only one who senses that he’s weak inside.

   Now he’s having nightmares again… In the middle of the night he often heard him moaning in fear. It’s a sound that worries him to death. But when he would shake him awake, he would get angry and tell him to leave him alone, then… Type would be up all night whining in the nightmare again.

He wanted to help Type but what he could do to help him was small, almost insignificant, like.

“Never mind that, you can come to dinner now.”

“I’m not hungry.”

He’d heard the same answer and this time Tharn couldn’t let him get away with it.

Phew!

“Come and have some dinner!” Tharn got up and sauntered over to the bed, took Type by the arm and yanked him up a little but all he got was   “I told you to leave me alone, you psycho! Uh-oh!!!” Type shook off his hand and turned to look at Tharn with a look of disgust as if he was someone who was hurting him and Type hard headiness was too much for Tharn to control himself.

Oh, shit!

“Oh aah! Bastard!”

Thud!

Type’s legs were struggling to get out from under Tharn and if it wasn’t for the…

Snap!

Tharn buried his head in Type’s shoulder, roped his arms around Type’s shoulders and spoke to Type in a low, weak voice.

“I beg of you… You have to get up and eat.”

“F-ck Tharn…”

“You see me as a homos-xxual, as someone else you hate, so be it but get up and eat, I’m begging you, I’m really begging you.” Tharn’s voice was soft and sincere. These words made the dominated Type give up his struggle and lie quietly, Type’s eyes were distractedly looking at the ceiling, his eyes were getting wetter and wetter.

“You’ve come to beg for a terrible person like me na!”

“I know you did the right thing, you’re not the wrong one.” Tharn whispered immediately afterwards.

Type’s voice was slurred as he said: “Huh! The one that everyone at school judged me to be wrong na.”

“Yeah, everyone’s saying you’re doing it wrong but as far as I’m concerned, you’re not wrong!” The hand on Type’s shoulder was relaxing but the head wasn’t leaving his neck. Normally, Type, who hated gay, would have tried to make him pay for it with blood but instead, Type was quiet… So quiet, he was barely breathing.

Tharn was very direct with Type, he wanted the person who despised him and even though he rarely came back every day, he easily accepted and got used to the person in front of him.

“Even though I hate gay…? Even if I hate you?”

Type’s question had left him flabbergasted but Tharn’s answer had remained steadfast.

“Yes, even if you hate me!”

It’s probably me being crazy, wanting to be the one to watch over you.

   Tharn didn’t know how Type’s face looked at the moment, what he was saying was like telling him that he cared for him, that he probably hated him, that he had abandoned him. But he didn’t care, no matter what, because Type was willing to let him hold him like this.

“When I was twelve…” What Type then said made Tharn want to move away from Type but only so he could see Type’s face but an unknown feeling told him that what Type was saying now was important. So Tharn didn’t say anything but listened quietly, attentively.

“… I was sexually assaulted.”

“!!!”

Tharn’s eyes widened for an instant and he quickly pulled away from Type in order to see the face of the man lying beneath him at the moment. Type, with his eyes closed, seemed reluctant to talk about the incident but he confided in him anyway.

“That man was one of the workers who came to help my father fix the roof of the resort, I saw him every day, he told me he knew a place where I could play ball, I followed him there, then he put me down, I was just a little one then, I was so small in front of him, where I had the strength to fight him!” now Type’s voice was shaking like a leaf.

“He clung to my arms and legs and no matter how much I begged him, he wouldn’t let me go… I remember exactly what that place was like, that filthy, disgusting, rat-scurrying place.”

Tharn felt like his heart was being stabbed and he slowly approached the haggard Type, whose eyes were still closed. Type was trying to suppress his emotions, making his face pale. He looked so pale that Tharn wanted to tell him to stop, that he had a good idea what had happened.

“He violated me!” …Type opened his eyes, his eyes were filled with tears. Type opened his eyes, his tears streaming all over his face.

“I, a gay hater, was assaulted by a man at 12.”

“So how is that your fault!!!”

   Tharn had rarely felt so angry and this time his anger burned more fiercely than ever before, his voice rasping at the question. His hands clasped Type’s shoulders again, while his cheeks were wet with tears.

“When he came into my mouth, he stank like hell. It was disgusting, I wanted to vomit, couldn’t breathe, broke down in tears and he was touching me everywhere, grabbing me and taking off my clothes…”

Boom!

“B-stard, that’s enough!!! I don’t want to hear it anymore. You don’t have to say it!”

In the next moment, Tharn was hugging the man in front of him tightly, pressing his head to his chest. Type let him hold him quietly, too quietly but Type’s hands trembled with fear. He knew at last why… he’d come to hate gay.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that’s enough, you have to stop.”

“Why are you apologizing to me, the bastard who hurt me?” Type laughed, his voice muddy. But the way he looked made Tharn, who was in love with him, hug him tighter.

“I apologize… I’m sorry…” He didn’t know why he’d said the word sorry but all he could do was keep repeating it and Type was asking why over and over again.

“Why are you… Apologize to me… for what… Apologize… What for!”  he asked him in a slurred voice, trembling. Type didn’t push him away but buried his head in the chest of the man he had hated before, asking   “Why are you apologizing to me… What are you apologizing to me for!”

Boom!

Type raised his hands and grabbed Tharn’s clothes, almost tearing Tharn’s clothes, the tears that had been suppressing in his eyes finally flowed down his cheeks and his body trembled violently. And he kept saying the same thing he had been saying before.

“I hate… You… I hate you… Hate you… I hate people like you…”

   Gays like him are hurting him constantly.

“It’s okay, it’s okay that you hate me.”

“Hate you…”

Boom!

But why, when he hated gay so much, did Type find the hug of the one he hated… His embrace was warm… The embrace was so warm that he wanted to get closer, to hug him tightly.

“This is all because of you, all because of you!”

“Don’t blame me, you did the same thing, you didn’t stop me, aah, at first you were pissed off too, then when it got serious you bit me here.”

Now, it’s not only Type who is responsible for his own actions, the other side is also complaining about it.

   Yes, the two seniors who put it on the Internet.

   At first it was just to teach the younger brother a lesson but things got out of hand. They just wanted to post the picture to humiliate him, to tease him and get him to apologize. But who knew that their little drama would escalate to the point where they’d be interviewed by an important leader.

   I wonder if I’ll be criticized for my education!!!

“Whose fault is that?”

“Oh that annoying boy, I wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t yelled at us!”

Both men agreed with the answer, excusing it as Type’s fault. To avoid being called a street rat… The question of who let this go down so badly.

   RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

   Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!!

   However, the ringing of the phone startled both of them so much that they almost lost their phones. They eagerly opened the phone to see if it was a teacher they were close to and then answered the phone in a hurry.

“Hello, teacher… What the hell!”

At first, her voice was sweet but the teacher’s words made her voice rise an octave and she blurted it out. Then she turned her head to look at her friend.

“Baaaaaaaaa! Oh, shit, I have an appointment with the principal! Blah, blah, blah!!!”

“Ahhhhhhh, the future is bleak. I told you already. How dare you put this on the internet!!!!”

And then,  just like that the matter became more serious than before.

“Can you guys explain to me about this?”

At this moment, the two, no, three people involved in this matter were standing in front of the University Dean, who was questioning them in a cool and calm tone and under his sharply accusing gaze, the three of them felt as if they were being judged in a court of law.

“You know, it’s not just being talked about inside our school, it’s being talked about outside too. Do you have any idea what people outside will think of our school!”

“Yeah, I, uh, I didn’t think it would get this serious.”

“It means you haven’t thought about it, or you’ve thought about it less.”

Snort!

   Both girls shut their mouths for a moment, not daring to say anything but not forgetting to stare at Type with hatred in their eyes. The headmaster instructed them to put an end to the incident, no matter which side had caused it.

   Type just sat quietly and listened to the Dean’s criticism without any rebuttal, not even looking at the two sisters, because he was afraid that… In case he couldn’t control himself, he went up to them and punched them in the face.

   Even though the online storm is over, everyone can’t look at him the same way.

   Now, anyway, everyone will think he’s a narrow-minded, ugly man.

   

 

“Didn’t think to give us an apology?”

Type’s face chilled.

After leaving the principal’s office, Type didn’t think anyone would feel good about saying such things. He suppressed his anger in his heart.

“So the sisters don’t have a word of apology they want to say to me?” I shot back calmly.

“Why we should apologize.”

“Heh! If you hadn’t tried to humiliate me, the sisters wouldn’t have been called names by others. And you put my picture up there. I should have gone to the police, had you guys arrested. But sisters should be glad I think before I do something.” Even though I’m telling the truth, the older girl’s eyes widened when she heard that and her anger went straight to her head.

“You…”

“No, this has gone far enough, let’s get this over with.” Luckily the other girl had the sense to stop her. Because it’s not good for either of us to argue.

I left at a faster pace, not wanting to make things worse.

   Thud!

“Tharn” I flinched and saw the man who was standing waiting for me. The one to whom I would have confided in the past, the one on whose chest I had buried my tears, the one who was smiling. But… Not smiling at me.

Tharn walks past me but walks up to the girls and says what I always get angry about.

“I have a favor to ask of you two seniors.”

Tharn, you’re not going over there! Tharn, don’t you go over there!!

   I almost shouted but in a sudden sobering moment, I realized that by doing that, I would be admitting that when I saw Tharn as one; that I wanted him on my side; that I didn’t want him talking to the two seniors. Because it was only my own selfishness, I just dropped my arms like a sore thumb and turned away.

   It’s none of my business what he has to say, what the hell he has to ask!

 

 

~ TharnType The Series~

 

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